HELP ME, Universe, help me find the way back to working on my book!!!
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Housecleaning: A Story
Isn't it sort of hilarious that three women living together can't manage to do much housework and keep their house clean?! Well, I think it's funny in a good way! But that's why I hired Angelo today!! Angelo The Housecleaning Angel! Ohhh Myyyy it feels soooooo goooooood up in here!!!! :)
HERE's my Very Good Excuse for the irony of three women not keeping their house clean!
I Have ME/CFS. I raised Anna and Bethany as a mom with this disease. I was not able to teach them very much housework! I Refused to make them do any of my work for me, just as much as I Refused to make them parent me in any way!!!!
I Be So Proud Of That Fact!
BUT, LOL! As a result, our home is pretty not-clean all the time!! We definitely do the dishes every night, and we definitely take out the trash regularly, and we vaccuum every two weeks, and we surface-level clean the bathrooms about the same (or less)! Who could ask for more than that?! We Do Enough! And the fact that we need help is AOK with me!
Right now I am in HEAVEN over finding Angelo! Found him via his flyer at Whole Foods in Hillcrest. His Energy is so amazing (and I'm so Lucky he was willing to drive to El Cajon!). He's Italian, raised in New Jersey! I swear he looks Jewish! If we get to know each other better I get to ask him about that! :) HOW I LOVE THE JEWS! :D And not just cuz my best friend was Jewish when I was growing up! After all, she dumped me after we moved away and that should have tainted me, but it never did. Well, either she dumped me, or my parents dumped her family... yes, that's probably what happened. Which explains why she was mean to me in the end; the tension in the air?
Angelo went out of his way to clean stuff never to be cleaned in the history of time! Like our fireplace! He brings All his own holistic supplies, AND all his own cleaning tools and even vacuum cleaner!! There was an instant click between the two of us too! Like kindred spirits! I felt sooo comfortable with him in my house, working while I SAT. Cuz that's what I do for a living with ME/CFS. And I felt SO unpressured, unjudged.... I mean, this man's energy---and I think he was my age!---was So High Vibration!
Thank You, Angelo! Can't wait to see you in 6 weeks (due to financial reasons on our end)! God Willing and the creek don't rise!!! Someone like you could have been a one-time gift only!!!
HERE's my Very Good Excuse for the irony of three women not keeping their house clean!
I Have ME/CFS. I raised Anna and Bethany as a mom with this disease. I was not able to teach them very much housework! I Refused to make them do any of my work for me, just as much as I Refused to make them parent me in any way!!!!
I Be So Proud Of That Fact!
BUT, LOL! As a result, our home is pretty not-clean all the time!! We definitely do the dishes every night, and we definitely take out the trash regularly, and we vaccuum every two weeks, and we surface-level clean the bathrooms about the same (or less)! Who could ask for more than that?! We Do Enough! And the fact that we need help is AOK with me!
Right now I am in HEAVEN over finding Angelo! Found him via his flyer at Whole Foods in Hillcrest. His Energy is so amazing (and I'm so Lucky he was willing to drive to El Cajon!). He's Italian, raised in New Jersey! I swear he looks Jewish! If we get to know each other better I get to ask him about that! :) HOW I LOVE THE JEWS! :D And not just cuz my best friend was Jewish when I was growing up! After all, she dumped me after we moved away and that should have tainted me, but it never did. Well, either she dumped me, or my parents dumped her family... yes, that's probably what happened. Which explains why she was mean to me in the end; the tension in the air?
Angelo went out of his way to clean stuff never to be cleaned in the history of time! Like our fireplace! He brings All his own holistic supplies, AND all his own cleaning tools and even vacuum cleaner!! There was an instant click between the two of us too! Like kindred spirits! I felt sooo comfortable with him in my house, working while I SAT. Cuz that's what I do for a living with ME/CFS. And I felt SO unpressured, unjudged.... I mean, this man's energy---and I think he was my age!---was So High Vibration!
Thank You, Angelo! Can't wait to see you in 6 weeks (due to financial reasons on our end)! God Willing and the creek don't rise!!! Someone like you could have been a one-time gift only!!!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
The Truth Is
I Know I Will Remain Strong
And Simply Let Him Go
I Will Allow This Relationship To Be Over
I Accept It As For The Best
This Is Me Feeling Lonely This Morning
Thought I'd honor the feelings and embrace them and send them Love by writing.
<deep sigh>
I Miss Him
I Want Him Back
I Want To Cancel The Break-Up
It's Been A Week
He's My BFF
He's Family To Me
Maybe This Is Just Part Of The Normal Grieving Process
Will Give It Another Week
I'm The One Who Broke Up With Him
For Mostly Noble Reasons
If It Had Been The Other Way Around It Would Already Be Truly Over
And There Would Be No Recourse
<deep sigh>
I Miss Him
I Want Him Back
I Want To Cancel The Break-Up
It's Been A Week
He's My BFF
He's Family To Me
Maybe This Is Just Part Of The Normal Grieving Process
Will Give It Another Week
I'm The One Who Broke Up With Him
For Mostly Noble Reasons
If It Had Been The Other Way Around It Would Already Be Truly Over
And There Would Be No Recourse
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
I Should Probably Just Delete Those Posts
They have no meaning any longer; the posts about the dating site and such.
The whole thing was like a short experiment, and it's over, completely. I even got them to refund my money!
The happy truth is, between my little family here, my friends on Facebook (I have an amazing support system in the pwc community and in my spiritual community, and from a few assorted other amazing friends), my Structured Water business, my eBay business, my laptop, my TV, my notebooks, my books, my cat brothers, my kitchen, my Mission Trails Regional Park... I have a pretty fulfilling life. And most of the time it does feel that way. ...And I've got my book, my memoir, I'm writing, and I still think it could go somewhere some day.
When everything else feels failed or empty, all I have to do is think of my beautiful daughters and their devoted unconditional love and like for me, and I become instantly strong and so blessed. Again, if not for Anna and Bethany I absolutely never ever would have learned that I am worthy of love, and worthy of being liked.
My love life can drive me insane though; if you can even call it a love life. Sometimes it feels quite like a powerful and real love life, and sometimes it feels like a fantasy only, an illusion. And I don't even know where anything stands at this time. My "he" and I seem to have crashed and burned (but not in a bad way), per my choice, and it may be for the best, or it may be our usual, "It ain't over til it's over."
It's a pretty complicated relationship, but regardless of what happens now, he'll always be more family to me than my birth family.
I think I'm taking it all very well, actually.
Got high yesterday and went a little crazy on Facebook, but don't think there's any damage control to do, and frankly, I don't even care. In other words, I'm too old to care what people think of me anymore. To quote Wanda Sykes, "I'ma Be Me"
So, despite phases of calling myself horrible names like "PatheticVictimLoser", my Self Love is actually growing stronger and stronger.
My present laptop wallpaper:
The whole thing was like a short experiment, and it's over, completely. I even got them to refund my money!
The happy truth is, between my little family here, my friends on Facebook (I have an amazing support system in the pwc community and in my spiritual community, and from a few assorted other amazing friends), my Structured Water business, my eBay business, my laptop, my TV, my notebooks, my books, my cat brothers, my kitchen, my Mission Trails Regional Park... I have a pretty fulfilling life. And most of the time it does feel that way. ...And I've got my book, my memoir, I'm writing, and I still think it could go somewhere some day.
When everything else feels failed or empty, all I have to do is think of my beautiful daughters and their devoted unconditional love and like for me, and I become instantly strong and so blessed. Again, if not for Anna and Bethany I absolutely never ever would have learned that I am worthy of love, and worthy of being liked.
My love life can drive me insane though; if you can even call it a love life. Sometimes it feels quite like a powerful and real love life, and sometimes it feels like a fantasy only, an illusion. And I don't even know where anything stands at this time. My "he" and I seem to have crashed and burned (but not in a bad way), per my choice, and it may be for the best, or it may be our usual, "It ain't over til it's over."
It's a pretty complicated relationship, but regardless of what happens now, he'll always be more family to me than my birth family.
I think I'm taking it all very well, actually.
Got high yesterday and went a little crazy on Facebook, but don't think there's any damage control to do, and frankly, I don't even care. In other words, I'm too old to care what people think of me anymore. To quote Wanda Sykes, "I'ma Be Me"
So, despite phases of calling myself horrible names like "PatheticVictimLoser", my Self Love is actually growing stronger and stronger.
My present laptop wallpaper:
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