2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Remembering Gratitude

Because I love my FOO so much, part of me is grateful my ex-sister left that vm. Mostly, it did a negative number on me though, and I don't want her to call again. At the same time it was good to hear her voice because I miss her, I miss all of them. (It was love and abuse in the same package from them, remember.) My angelic self knows she was trying to reach-out to me, connect with me, and love me. Angelic Self meaning Higher Self. She was doing this the only way she knows how. And I DO feel her love. And, in theory, her suggestion that we start a snail-mail correspondence is a good one.

But me and my little family here are not buying it, because we know it will lead to my going down the rabbit hole again. We know she's not showing any signs of telling the truth, supporting me regarding the abuse, and thus bringing healing to it.

I'm trying not to judge her for that, believe me. I'm trying not to judge her on that because everyone has to grow at their own rate. I think she is doing the best she can, just as I am.

"The Courage To Heal" by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass, states How Important And Crucial it is to give the victim control over the relationships with the abusers; when healing is trying to take place.

May I Forever Live My Life In Peace And Joy As An Orphan 
(knowing that they will never "get" it and reunite with me)
May I Without Haste Recover From Them And Thrive In My New Life
May I Forgive And Let Go

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