Thoughts About Drinking -- Fully Healed

What has transpired for me and alcohol could be called nothing short of a miracle -- and thought I'd blog about that!

A long history of alcohol abuse and perhaps alcoholism has completely transformed into something so healthy on all levels. Not only my relationship with alcohol but to any stigma I carried about drinking and about recovery groups.

I don't really know how I got here -- must be something mystical -- I'm totally free from any and all attachment OR judgment about booze. I can take it or leave it and I prefer to leave it. It's just not in my thinking or on my radar. 

I have no fear whatsoever about drinking. I used to have a shitload of fear about drinking. During "sobriety periods" in and out of 10 recovery organizations over three decades, I'd fear like crazy drinking again. Like something bad would happen to me if I drank or "slipped." And it would ruin my life. And it would destroy any sober living I'd achieved. And it would send me deep into uncontrollable drinking. I own all those thoughts and feelings; I don't blame anyone or anything for putting them in my head. 

So, here I am today, 2 1/2 years as a Sobrietist, and I make my own rules about that, as we all should. Alcohol is not a friend per se, but it's not my enemy any longer either. I posted before about my pattern, if you can call it that, of drinking a few times a year whenever the spirit moves me, and that I drink no more than two drinks, and over a period of a few hours. Not sure I went into that kind of detail before, but that's them (the details).

I enjoy it OK, but truly not like I enjoy not drinking! It serves a purpose to relax me and alter my consciousness a bit and make me feel like I'm celebrating myself, which we all need to do more of; not drinking, celebrating ourselves. What I enjoy the most about those drinks is that I CAN enjoy them and that I CAN drink them. I worship the Freedom I have. I mean, I and the Powers That Be totally transformed ME! That's a Powerful accomplishment that I'm truly learning to trust in! I know there are many people in the world -- people who are Awakening, or Ascending, or whatever you want to all it -- who know exactly what I'm experiencing and talking about. I'm not that unique.

I've made my blog more public now and that's why this bears writing about and explaining. It's a follow-up to my post pre-public back in November when I wrote about enjoying some vodka. I haven't had drinks since then and don't plan to any time soon. Those two drinks were structured, by the way, with Structured Water. And structuring drinks makes them good for you, or at least not harmful, according to the inventor of the devices who is a scientist and physicist. There's more about that on my website. There are no hangovers with structured drinks. That's what they tell me; I would never drink more than two so I'll never know. It's because of my history, mostly, that I'd never drink more than one or two. My history and my physiology. And my choice and desire.

It's the being that I am today: Health conscious; very careful what she eats and drinks and says and thinks. Not a puritan and not a fanatic, just me.

I Love My Life

I've been through a lot, like most of us have. 

Somehow it's resulted in me becoming this very happy woman who truly loves herself!

It's not from outside myself.

Many things are just as shitty as they ever were.

It's me who has changed.

I simply love everything!

I feel as if I've truly been touched by Angels.

There is such a richness to my inner life.

There is such an appreciation for my outer life.

Just "being" brings me so much joy and peace.

I roll with the punches so beautifully now.

If this is as good as it gets I'm OK with that!

Rebirthing My Blog

In Summary:

I had a decade-or-so-long blog that I deleted two years ago for personal reasons.

I started this blog as an anonymous journal shortly thereafter and it was called "Sobrietist's Surmisings."

During the past two years I did a lot of healing and a lot of growing.

I'm a very happy person.

Healing and growing is probably a lifetime thing.

Just today I decided to personalize this blog and go public again.

I've been happily on Facebook for a few months -- joined because I'm no longer afraid of my family of origin. And that's also why I'm rebirthing this blog.  www.facebook.com/judy.actonayala

There is a beautiful, active CFS community there. We give and take so much loving support. MomWriters are there too; my original inspiration for starting my first blog over a decade ago. There are so many blast-from-the-past friends there that are so much fun. There are assorted family members from both the Brown and Acton clans and what a miracle and a gift to reconnect with them for the first time since childhood, some of them. There is a shitload of spiritual teachers that uplift and keep me pointed in the right direction on my personal path. And in general, there's just a lot of cool stuff on Facebook! I'm truly grateful to finally be connected!

Twitter is next, no doubt.

My book is NOT done after all, not by a long shot! It's got a lot more to say to me! It's going to go in an unexpected and much better direction! FYI, right now it is called "PK Pariah" about surviving my childhood and family of origin. Incest and emotional abuse. And surviving not being successful at trying to bring healing to us. We are estranged. I'm like an orphan. PK means preacher's kid. Pariah as in the outcast of the family.

Yes, I'm very alcohol-free and practically worship that status.

Self Love is growing every day. It's the most important thing in life and needs to be taught to humanity.

My two daughters are rockin college and their lives. I'm so glad they live with me.

Richard and I are very close and doing so much better than ever in our marriage---as separated partners for six years. 11 years if you count the separated-but-living-together years (which really sucked; it was so hard).

I'm extremely proud of my business and the website I taught myself to build, with a bit of solid direction from my daughter's friend, Jessica. www.structured-water-devices.com.

I hope to share a lot about Structured Water and the world's need for it.

I Love You

I really am a sober woman; almost two years

I certainly didn't have to be transparent, did I, about drinking a couple months ago. There is absolutely no need for that kind of openness and forthrightness; in fact, it could potentially accidentally invite judgment from others.

Maybe I'll delete that post if I decide it's best.

I don't want to spend a lot of energy talking about drinking and sobriety on my blog; it's so behind me now. I'm going to be changing my blog title from Sobrietist's Surmisings to something else; once the inspiration strikes and the new title is revealed to me!

It took me years and years to recover from the recovery movement mentality; the brainwashing by AA and WFS, and etc., that I needed anything outside myself to be a successful, fulfilled, very happy sobrietist.... but I finally am deprogrammed!

I AM FREE!!!

I am an entirely New Me. I am a woman who is completely free of all desires to drink alcohol. It's a miracle that I am grateful for. It took time, and it happened the way it needed to happen for me; everyone is different. I don't judge people who seem to need a sobriety group, but I do feel sorry for them! Can't help it; those groups did me more harm than good, and I have more than two decades experience in them.

I NEVER have to worry about drinking again! If I do it, it will be no big deal, and even my Angels told me to "Chillax!" about it. The last time I drank I asked them if it was OK, and they answered me via a license plate on a car that changed lanes in front of me that said, "Chillax".  :-D

And I listened! And I did chillax about it. And I found that even though drinking moderately that night was somewhat enjoyable, for the most part it just isn't my cup of tea anymore. I simply don't "get" the attraction to drinking anymore. Being clear-headed (that is, as much as is possible with CFS), and being in control, is MUCH more appealing to me! Not to mention putting only healthy things in my body!!!

Babe  In  Total  Control  of  Herself!  (proud BITCH!)

Perhaps the most shocking thing of all is that I got my family of origin back

What a beautiful, miraculous gift.
We're all feeling it.
More later.
I grow weary.

Sobrietist is enjoying some Crystal Head vodka

Yes, that is correct. Life is a personal journey. I've discovered that I enjoy drinking two or three times a year! No more than that for this body and brain; no more than that for this psyche; no more than that for the spiritual/physical/mental/emotional path I'm on. And that includes simply no desire for more than that!

This truly has been, and continues to be, My Year. I have finally found Inner Peace, Self Love, and Joy! It only took 56 and a half years! Now that I'm almost 57, I expect this New Me to continue! Not only to continue but to get better and better! I can say that with confidence because the Bliss has been consistent for many months. That does indeed include down times, but unlike any other time in my life, beneath the down is true self love and love of life and peace.

I should write a book!

Oh! I AM! It's a bute!

Aching to blog even though it's not about 9 11, which feels too emotional right now

  As crashy and fatigued as I am, with very little cognitive power, I miss blogging so much; here I am.

  There is so much to talk about. Some key points for now:

  The cyst that was on my thyroid for about five years, that had grown a bit; that endocrinologists wanted to biopsy for cancer; that I didn't do and trusted my inner guidance instead; is not only not growing -- it's GONE. It's because of the help I received from Dr. Heng in La Jolla (Scripps Clinic of Integrative Medicine). After watching the DVDs I lent her by Dr. Brownstein (www.drbrownstein.com), she agreed to switch me from Synthroid (after being on it for 20 years; which I believe made me much sicker) to NatureThroid, and agreed to my taking Iodoral (iodine/iodide supplement) which I slowly increased the dose of from 12.5 mg. to 25 mg. Also, switching to Unrefined Celtic Sea Salt (actually needed by the body). I've now increased my dosage of Iodoral to 31.5 mg. Why? Because my Hashimotos is getting better too, and my hypothyroid is too.

   VERY HAPPY! AND GRATEFUL!

  Oh bother; short term memory is so bad right now I forgot the other key points to talk about...

Correction

  Whatever you do, do NOT use ThreeLac to treat candida, and don't trust the folks at candidasupport; they're probably misguided. I did the kind of research I should have done before I spent all the money on the products and used them for a couple months. I trust Dr. Mercola, www.mercola.com. I'm trying true colloidal silver now. Note the word "true."

  I'm feeling too crashy to elaborate on any of this.