P.S. to post below

I want to make it clear about morning energy cuz it's not like I wake up with it! Oh contrare. I wake up feeling like what I call the living dead. I wake up feeling like the living dead. Every single morning for the past 15+ years. It takes me about 30 minutes to muster up the energy and strength to sit up and get out of bed.

Life is good

I FINISHED MY BOOK! Now it's editor-ready. It was a year of blood, sweat and tears writing it. It's about my long healing journey from abuses in my core family. It's written with so much love. It started out in hopefulness of finally bringing reconciliation to me and them, but ended in the apparent awareness that it is probably an obituary to my relationships with them. It will give my daughters an understanding of why things are the way they are when I feel they are old enough to read it. It gave me closure writing it. I feel free to live my life now. It will hopefully inspire other survivors to find their own voices, in order to Feel Deal Heal.

I got my first laptop and I'm lovin' it. Laptop virgin no more. 56 is old to never have had a laptop, huh! It's making my life with CFS so much more bearable, so much less boring from life mostly in bed.

It's Monday morning, I just finished my tall dark roast Starbucks coffee with heavy cream, and now I must get my breakfast (Amy's gluten-free organic bean burrito)(yum!), take my many supplements, and get on with my morning errands. I get to get a lot done in the mornings when I have some energy. I feel really lucky about that.

Will it ever change?

I just got a huge slap in the face from someone who I thought "got it" about CFS (www.cfidsassociation.org). She was my personal trainer several years ago. I am among the fortunate 5% of cfs patients who can exercise at all. Taking on a trainer was a bold and brave move on my part because of the cfs. I did my best to train her that I could not push myself, that I have to follow my body's lead. As a PT I know that went against her core, but she was as amiable as possible.

I won't go into details about the symptoms or reasons why exercise can be perilous or about post exertional malaise or CFS crashes.

Cut to the present. I'm 55 now (56 this month), my metabolism has slowed even more, my body has changed, etc. I hadn't talked to Nicole for a really long time, but I see her at the gym. I texted her a Happy New Year and an update that after 6 months on no gluten, low sugar, only 1600 calories a day, and exercising about 6 days a week---not one single pound lost. And that I decided to simply embrace my fatness.

She flagged me down at the gym today and we had a conversation. I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. She was spewing the same thing at me that the rest of society thinks about us: we're lazy, we're liars, it's a psychological problem. But she was very kind and non-attacking or judgmental about it. She kept pushing me to exercise more, eat less, etc. etc. She simply could not "hear" me.

I left there feeling defeated, more alone, sad, depressed.

I told my daughter what happened and I instantly felt better because of her love and support.

Since Thanksgiving I have enjoyed the freedom of not having to count calories or worry about what I eat. And I haven't gained a single pound either.
I don't think I'll ever be able to shed this extra 25 lbs. due to my thyroid and cfs. Even doctors haven't been able to help me. I followed their protocols.

Hello, my rebound blog!

I think I want to make a commitment to you (that is, to myself), to post at least once a week. I’m ready to do this for myself to keep tabs on myself because it helps me develop myself as a writer. I’m ready to put the past behind me; the annihilation of my previous long-time blog, not be concerned whether I have any readers or not, and just blog for ME.

Onto random thoughts today.

I never had Facebook, Twitter, a laptop, or a Smartphone!

I have a shared pc with my daughters, and I have my long-time Alphie that I will always love. That’s my AlphaSmart word processor.

This is the year I finish my first book!

It’s actually going to happen!

What I’ll do with it, I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. It only matters that I wrote it because doing so saved my life.

I’m blessed to be part of momwriters.com. It’s sustained me for over a decade—even longer than my previous blog. The women there never judged me, never turned their backs on me, accept me exactly as I am. Momwriters get to go quiet on the list without question. We “get it” because we are all writers. We don’t have to be accountable to the list!

How I love MomWriters.

I’m almost 1-year-in as a Permanent Sobrietist! Which will happen on my 56^th birthday!

The reason I am anonymous on my blog is to hide-out from my core family!

But perhaps in the near future I’ll be able to be unconcerned whether they read my blog or not.

I’m also anonymous, don’t do Followers, or comments this time because of my bad experience with my CFS community. It’s explained in early posts. I may change my mind about that later too when I’ve done more healing.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I'm not warmed-up to my rebound blog yet. This one; this is my rebound blog. I don't know if I want to keep it and turn it into something I'm proud of like my original blog that I felt forced to annihilate or not. Seems like rebound blogs are much like rebound relationships!

While I'm pondering, I will post how perfect my Thanksgiving was! It was the best Thanksgiving I can remember in a long time---on all fronts: My little family of four, my core family, my love relationship. I even got creative in the kitchen, and it was a delicious success!

My little family of four and I had a really awesome day. I'd write a lot more about it, BUT, as usual, I'm about to be run off our one pc by my oldest daughter! Ohhh for a laptop! Santa? Please? No? Not yet? OK. *sigh*

One of the highlights of this holiday was being totally removed from my family of origin! I will have to write a page about that one of these days; should I keep this blog and try to generate readers! But wow, let me just say how utterly relaxed, un-stressed, and joyful I felt all day long knowing I was not going to be talking to them. WOW. What a loaded statement. But it's OK. I know they are all very happy.

Take care, all! Gotta go!

From the brilliant mind of Aaron Sorkin

Republicans and Democrats alike ought to appreciate/resonate:


“

• Ideological purity
• Compromise as weakness
• A fundamentalist belief in scriptural literalism
• Denying science
• Unmoved by facts
• Undeterred by new information
• A hostile fear of progress
• A demonization of education
• A need to control women's bodies
• Severe xenophobia
• Tribal mentality
• Intolerance of dissent
• Pathological hatred of the US government

They call themselves the Tea Party. They call themselves conservatives. They call themselves Republicans, though Republicans certainly shouldn't. We should call them what they are: The American Taliban. And the American Taliban cannot survive if Dorothy Cooper is allowed to vote.”

~ Will MacAvoy, News Anchor on the HBO series, The Newsroom (season finale). The show took place in August 2011. Written by Aaron Sorkin

 

Last sentence referring to the 96-year-old woman (black) who has been voting for 75 years and now can't vote because she doesn't have a car, ie: no voter ID.

 

W O W

 

 

What open-hearted individual hasn't realized that the Middle Eastern Taliban... that we are just like them, that is, that we have it in us to be just like them? We have it in us to be like Hitler. In other words, we are all human, and have it in us to live in Love or live in Fear to any extreme.

 

 

If anybody is listening...

There could be genuine health healing help here! That's what I tried to tell people at my last blog, but alas, as I explained in previous posts, my 41 so-called followers didn't comment. And now I have even more health healing help, but they don't even know I'm here. I tell you, if I get well from the incurable CFS, I will have reason to visit their blogs, identify my blog to them, and share the secret. It's the least I can do for alienating them by ignorantly (accidentally) encouraging them to exercise. For me, slowly, painfully starting exercise was helpful. Little did I know that only 5% of us can do that.

It's scientifically and medically reasonable for me to assume that getting off the Synthroid and on NatureThroid, taking Iodoral (iodine/iodide), using Celtic Sea Salt (unrefined), and making a few dietary and supplement changes will bring me mass quantities of healing!

After 14 1/2 years of searching for answers and trying everything under the sun---even went so far as to try hyperbaric chamber therapy once---it could come down to simply replacing a needed nutrient my body is apparently grossly deficient in: iodine.

I will tell everyone to read Dr. Brownstein's books or watch his DVDs about iodine, thyroid, and salt "when" this works for me! I'm afraid we'll all have to be patient though. For those as ill from autoimmune diseases as me it can take a couple years or more to get better.

www.drbrownstein.com

69 Most Commonly Reported Symptoms of Hypothyroidism

  In other words, doctors have got to stop going solely by TSH lab test results!
  I have had most of these for 20 years on Synthroid, they were getting worse, and NO DOCTOR in my history listened.
  ...When all we need is NatureThroid and/or iodine, apparently. (www.drbrownstein.com)

o Fatigue	o Swelling of eyelids	o Emotional instability
o Lethargy	o Dry skin	o Choking sensation
o Low endurance	o Dry mucous membranes	o Fineness of hair
o Slow speech	o Constipation	o Hair loss
o Slow thinking	o Weight gain unexplainably	o Blueness of skin
o Poor memory	o Paleness of lips	o Dry, thick, scaling skin
o Poor concentration	o Shortness of breath	o Dry, coarse, brittle hair
o Depression	o Swelling	o Paleness of skin
o Nervousness	o Hoarseness	o Puffy skin
o Anxiety	o Loss of appetite	o Puffy face or eyelids
o Worrying	o Prolonged menstrual bleeding	o Swelling of ankles
o Easy emotional upset	o Heavy menstrual bleeding	o Coarse skin
o Obsessive thinking	o Painful menstruation	o Brittle or thin nails
o Low motivation	o Low sex drive	o Dry ridges down nails
o Dizziness	o Impotence	o Difficulty in swallowing
o Sensation of cold	o Hearing loss	o Weakness
o Cold skin	o Rapid heart rate	o Vague body aches & pains
o Decreased sweating	o Pounding heart beat	o Muscle pain
o Heat intolerance	o Slow pulse rate	o Joint pain
o Non-restful sleep	o Pain at front of chest	o Numbness or tingling
o Insomnia	o Poor vision	o Protrusion of one or both eyeballs
o Thick tongue	o Weight loss	o Sparse eyebrows
o Swelling of face	o Wasting of tongue