2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Sunday, November 30, 2014

There's A Reason I Don't Post More

I created my blog here before my final orphanhood from my foo+ (family of origin and relatives).
It has been very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very good for me (and even more verys) this final estrangement. Funny when something so tragic and devastating and sad can provide such positive treasures. And I'll NEVER look back again. I Am Free As I Am Meant To Be.

So, I don't like the idea of the foo I no longer have, especially the ones who are given to spying on me; sister and mother, to be reading my thoughts and my goings-on. I'm safe on Facebook because only Friends can read my FB, and I wish I could create that scenario here!

I DON'T have control over that though. Perhaps in time I'll forget about my discomfort and blog freely.

I am continuing to heal and to grow in so many ways and I love it and I am so grateful. I Am healing my body and I Am evolving my soul too. And I Am loving myself more and more... even though I'm fat! I hate that I'm fat but I know it's caused by illnesses and not by food. I know it's out of my control because I eat light and healthy as a rule. It's so unfair. As my health continues to heal, may my fatness heal too into thinness!!! 20 - 25 lbs. over is a lot on me and that is my plight.

I know there are a select few health care professionals who could seriously help me heal my immune system which would make the excess fat melt away, but I can't afford them. Limiting calories doesn't work. Giving up gluten, grains, sugar, dairy doesn't work. I've diligently tried. I continue though to eat low amounts of those things for health reasons. And I've been off gluten a couple years. I need professional help from someone like Kerry Tepedino, who healed her thyroid and now helps others do the same. Oh well. Poor me. Fat forever I guess. People who see me must think I'm lazy and a pig.

This is not where I intended this post to go though!

But perhaps releasing all those thoughts will do me some good.

I'm also wondering if as I Am healing my health, my fatness will heal too. Perhaps I could allow that knowing to take hold. My health IS healing. I feel I AM healed, in fact, I know it. Healed of serious health issues like ME/CFS. And my body needs time to catch up. In other words, I Am healed because of GodGoddessUniverse -- a spiritual thing. I may not need health care professionals, although I may too; they may be a part of my healing process....

In OTHER words, because of Structured Water, and teachers like Matt Kahn, Anita Moorjani, Wayne Dyer, Aleya Dao, etc., my health IS healed! I not only know it, I am experiencing it! I am able to do more and more; I have more energy and stamina. And I know we all have the power and ability to heal our health, through God. And I know that when I heal, I am not healed alone! I actually know a lot more than that, but do not feel ready to write about it publicly.

TODAY I choose to feel, believe, and KNOW that my weight issues are healed also and that my body simply needs time to catch up!

My Beautiful Family Thanksgiving at Seaport Village




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