Lightworker (in training) that I now know myself to be requires me to be Honest. Especially with myself.
I've been drinking quite a bit this year, it's taking a toll on my body and being, and I am wanting and needing to stop. I'm having a lot of resistance to stopping, but nonetheless, the time is now.
In 2012 I was alcohol-free. In 2013 and 2014 I successfully drank sporadically and sparingly. In 2015 I'm going through a drinking phase for some reason. True: because of this I got my FOO back; so there was clearly a positive, giant, miraculous Gift in my drinking; and if I hadn't been drinking that night, Monday 4/13/15, I never would have called my mother and my sister (thus breaking my orphaning myself last year). That fact alone makes my ego question why give up something that created a Miracle---the biggest miracle EVER as a matter of fact!
But my BODY knows better. My body knows drinking is not good for it... no matter how much Structured Water I drink!
Both my body and my mind, and certainly my heart, knows that what I need is More Love. To let Love replace booze. For me, drinking is of the ego. And as a writer, and as a born Acton, drinking is important. But it's up to me to give my ego Love instead of white tequila or Guinness Draught or Wilson Creek Almond Champagne.
I LOVE being a Sobrietist though. I have always loved it more than being a drinker. I have lots of years of sobriety off and on.
Lately, drinking has been giving me bad diarrhea, and also, my thyroid numbers are worse.
On a positive note, medical cannabis is my friend. It's helpful, healing, and often fun. It's under my control now and always. It's easy to use it sporadically and sparingly. But sometimes using it makes me want to drink; like a trigger; so I have to be careful.
I no longer see myself as an alcoholic and know it was an erroneous label placed on me by AA all those decades ago. I know I'm not an alcoholic, and I know that there's probably no such thing as addiction either; not when you listen to spiritual teacher, Matt Kahn, talk about it. I need to immerse myself in his knowledge about this. Lighworkers on the path always lose interest, naturally, on using substances that are not in harmony with their bodies and their spiritual paths.
He says that with our Intentions we give new meaning to things and therefore unwanted behaviors stop on their own!
It's not about control.
I decide the quality of my experience by deciding what my actions mean.
I'm waking up so fast, and evolving so fast spiritually, my ego is freaking out.
From Matt Kahn:
Instead of trying to change anything in your life, ...
The more ashamed you are of something, the more you reach for it for a false level of comfort.
"May every time I <drink>, may all beings be liberated from their personal prisons."
It raises your vibration so you soon no longer resonate with <drinking>.
It's not about getting your shit together and kicking the habit, it's your giving such powerful meaning to the things you're embarrassed to admit that you do, it's going to purge it out of your field on your behalf!
It's not about, "oh my god! there's that choice! I can't do that!" That's nonsense! When you're done with something, you don't resonate with it. It could be right in your face and: "No thank you!"
You're playing it out right now, but up ahead you're not going to be doing this <drinking>, = what your intuition knows.
What most beings try to do is they try to stop doing <drinking> at the wrong chapter. Instead, start setting really radical intentions every time you do it, and you're one step closer to being out of resonance with it.
Otherwise, you're going to hate yourself for the things you can't stop doing.
And this thing of "people must be addicted to things because they keep going back to it." That's not addiction. You know what that is? That's the soul saying, "You have a soul contract and you're going to keep playing out this self-destructive habit because it's actually helping you unravel your spiritual judgments." So, "My God, why am I doing this?! This is not who I'm supposed to be!" And what will get you out of that hellish loop is, "Well, if I'm going to do this atrocious activity, let me set positive Intentions to it."
"Oh, it's time to <drink> again. Every time I do this may _______________." Like, "May all beings be liberated from their personal prisons." or truly radical ones, "May human trafficking stop!"
You can take Intention as deep as you want to go.
Despicable behavior manifested to show you what you can so radically eradicate. The Power Is Yours.
It's not about beating yourself up for how often you forget this. It's about how often you remember to return to Intention. "May every time I forget to set an intention, all beings be free."
