Or just a thought and feeling?
Seemingly out of the blue it floated into my mind that I'm punishing myself whenever I drink alone.
And now I want to spend time with this idea.
So here's me doing just that.
Why not do it publicly, I say!
I think I'll just leave the question lingering in the universe for now and see if an answer comes to me on its own.
Am I unconsciously punishing myself when I drink alone?
If so, that's got to stop ASAP, and I mean that.
The last thing I want or deserve is to ever punish myself again.
I've come too far in my personal and spiritual growth to ever punish myself.
I've grown exponentially in Self Love too.
Maybe yesterday gets to be the last time I drink alone. I got to chat on the phone with my brother under the influence yesterday. Finally got to chat with him since all the soul contracts were resolved with my FOO on April 13. So now I've been able to have conversations with my entire FOO. Very apparently, I needed to be under the influence to do it.
Here's the thing... again, I've only been drinking too much the past few months. Like 0 - 3 times a week. My long-time history with drinking has been as a binge drinker. I think I broke my two-year pattern as a moderate drinker because something was supposed to come from drinking too much lately. It was needed in order for me to get 1) the courage and 2) out of my analytical mind and into my heart: In order to contact my FOO (family of origin) and break my self-imposed permanent orphanship.
In that regard it wasn't punishing myself then. It had a purpose.
But NOW --- if it continues, yes, it IS Self Punishment!!
Wow, that was fast!---Getting my answer, I mean!
Like Matt Kahn teaches: I Deserve More Love Not Less!
LOVE, not booze!
