It Was A Mistake To Have Posted That

  I could have gone forever without posting this!:

   You Wouldn't Like Me If You Knew I Am In Love With A Married Man...


   The only reason I posted such a thing, and even shared it in a private Facebook writer's group, was because of my uber sensitivity over being brutally bullied by a woman friend on Facebook that I trusted with my truth. I basically got a little drunk and a little stoned and let that out; what I wrote above.

  Now I can clearly see that it was an unloving thing to do to myself; the way I worded the title and the post itself. I'm leaving it on my blog though because I'm not ashamed of my mistake. I feel bad that I was clearly hating on myself so much and inviting others to hate on me too. I guess that's what being bullied does to a psyche though; it feeds any self-hatred you already have.

  The married man is my true friend. We have been platonic for a decade. His wife knows we're friends. His marriage is stronger and happier because of our two-year affair. We were both separated at the time; me more-so than he; for him it was more like they were living separate lives. I have no secrets from my loving family.

  I still have no women friends I can tell my truth to. The few times I have tried over the decade to a few women---I have been met with harsh judgments and the loss of their friendships. It sucks. I feel like I have no true friends presently because if they knew about him they wouldn't be my friends. He's such a big part of me, he's family to me, I could never give him up. 


.....I do love to test people on their judgmentalness though. Posting such things does just that.