2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Email To My Very Possible Twin Soul. Subject: It Makes Me Want To Write


   Back to my binge-watching of Californication, and it really makes me want to pause and write something. Where better to start than with my missing Muse? It's a good series, I'm glad I re-found it. I love the changes in me since watching it once a week on TV back in 2011 or 2012, when I stopped watching it. And you know why. I love how I've changed and grown and matured emotionally. I'm not judgmental anymore, not of any character or any action. I relate to everyone's emotions... and I'm super grateful I don't have to live like they do!!!!!!! :) Happiness is so totally on the inside, dude. It doesn't matter how I "have" to live my life, where I go, what I do, how much money I have, how much success. I am finding just as much happiness right here right now just as I am. It's fun to fantasize about livin' large and stuff! That's kind of a blast! But I don't envy anyone who does. I swear to Jesus, right now I don't fucking envy anyone anywhere! How Cool Is That?! What more could a human ask for? :) WwowW, man, something sure is working in my life, huh! I suppose I could make millions if I could teach it to the world, huh! After all, no one ever said she was against making money. Oh contraire. I look forward to ALL the Abundance GodGoddessUniverse brings me. Oooops, sorry, forgot I was talking to an atheist! The atheist who loves to remind me every time he calls me that he is one! HeeHee. Keep doing it, it delights all my senses. I still feel like you and I could conversate forever. And I use that word on purpose because I like it and my momwriters hate it. I have respect you know?, Respect for the black community, brutha! And I know you do too!

   I can write you anything you want: a love story, a sex story, philosophy, health, anything. Hmm. Can I write anything I want? Should I just do it? And let the chips fall where they may? I Respect you, man, and you know this. It's up to me to free my Writer. It's not up to you, I'm not waiting for that. Never. I'd never wait for something that isn't mine. Good grief, how would doing that even work?! Although, my history, I wait. I wait for men who aren't even mine. I no longer feel wounded by that though! I've healed. I understand why I did it, without judging myself. I better know who I am now. That's why I commented on Lena Dunham's Tweet about, well, wait, let me see if I can find it...

  1. I can't wait to grow old and I can also speak to how youth is fetishized/commodified, until your age is your sexiest detail. I'm so over it.
@lenadunham I've always felt that way too. "The older the better!" At 58 and ill I still feel that way, Lena! Can't wait for more gray hair!

    There! How Cool Is That! It's extra cool because I only go on Twitter maybe once a month and stay for about 10 minutes. It's just not my thang. Not yet anyway.

    It's way cool having a celebrity see you, hear you, acknowledge you, favorite you! She's an accomplished writer, author, actor, director, at barely over two decades old! I feel a bit maternal towards her, I must say.

 
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