2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Sunday, June 21, 2015

I'm Proud Of My Previous Post, But I'm Delaying Logging-On To Facebook To See Any Reactions To It!

I am very proud of my post below. I'm proud of my life. I'm proud of myself. I don't overly care what anyone else thinks of me, I only care what I think of me. I love the people in my life very much. I want the freedom to be able to express that love for each and every one of them, regardless of our life-situation or circumstances.

I'm tired of living in secrecy and shame when I'm not even doing anything wrong. Especially given that there are no secrets among my loved ones and me. We are open and honest with one another.

As a writer it is so important to me to tell my truth. You can't even be a good writer if you don't do that. And as a mother it is important to me to be real with my daughters, now in college. And their dad is my best friend and always has been. As a lightworker it's very important to me to be as authentic as possible, warts and all.

I'm going to need some time to process what I've done here yesterday before I feel confident enough to log-on to Facebook, where I posted to certain people about my married man, because in my experience, the three women friends I trusted at different times over the past 12 years with my truth, ended up hating on me for it, and are no longer my friends. They just couldn't see beyond their own judgments into my heart and soul, or his, for that matter.

All I know is how good and how needed it feels for me to write this --- but I do need time to process! Like I think I ought to psyche myself up first in case there are judgments coming my way. I also need to get over my hangover, darn it, I did it again!

OHH how I'm looking forward to our road trip to the REDWOODS on Tuesday!!! Speaking for myself, I need a vacation like nobody's business. My last vacation was in 2007. That's just too long.

 
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