She made me want to drink too much, just the way AA always made me want to drink. Until yesterday, I was secretly (except from Richard), drinking moderately occasionally.
Yesterday's drinking was so wrong for me it propelled me into choosing to be alcohol-free again, happily. (So there was a gift in the bullying.)
I've always been my happiest as a Sobrietist. In the past three decades I've been mostly sober. I do go on drinking binges. My last longest alcohol-free period was all of 2012. In 2013 and 2014 I was successfully moderating aprox. once a month. 2015 has been another story for whatever reasons.
I'm tired of trying to be a successful moderate drinker. The Recovery Movement Mentality is not healthy for me, and that includes groups like AA and WFS. I found out the hard way. Over the decades I've been in almost every recovery group created. The worst part about them is how they accidentally teach you to become dependent on them for your sobriety. That's been dangerous and unproductive for me. Quitting an addiction is an inside job and 2/3 of the population quits an addiction on their own. And the "dry drunk" mentality created by AA is a myth. It was created to brainwash people into being dependent on the group. The times I've lived as a sober woman without group support have been the most fulfilling times.
So, I'm writing this with a horrible hangover and lots of guilt for drinking too much. I drank a little more than 1 bottle of champagne... telling myself I was celebrating letting go of a toxic friendship, and also feeling strongly that she made me want to drink.
