Like a feather blowing in the wind, I float back and forth between black and white thinking depending on what forces are at play on my psyche.
Gray is best. I need to practice in-between thinking so I can get good at it.
Feeling truly brutalized by that strange woman, who just won't stop emailing me, attacking me on different areas of my life. Total lies from her, yet it still has a big effect on me. After all, I now know myself to be an Energetically Sensitive Being.
The bottom line is, her dark energy aside that made me want to drink too much.... I don't need to be a Puritan. I need to embrace moderation in all things.
I believe in myself to achieve this because I already have achieved this with food, sugar, freedom from the victim-mentality that all incest and emotional abuse survivors have to heal from, peace, harmony, and best-friendship with my separated husband, and a degree of healing from the debilitating disease of ME/CFS. I've turned my life around on so many levels. ...Even coffee! From lots to only 8 oz. a day and lovin' that!
I do feel that alcohol is my only weakness, and that even though my use of it has improved over the decades, it still often makes me feel unhappy with myself the next day after I drink it. I'm going to keep trying because I really don't want to be a teetotaler. What I choose is to be mostly a teetotaler, with the freedom to drink occasionally. Doesn't that sound healthy?!
The only reason it's even up for debate here is because of being so brainwashed and harmed by the cult of AA that I'm an alcoholic, which I'm probably not, but my deep psyche still believes I am. It's a set-up for failure. When I was young and extremely impressionable that cult got hold of me and probably turned a problem drinker into an alcoholic. There is so much research out there supporting this theory. Had the proper help and support been available instead, I would have learned better coping skills and how to moderate my drinking; as well as help dealing with my emotional issues at the time.
Out of SPITE at this time for that woman who doesn't even know me but slammed me with her repeated AA-Nazi attacks, I changed my mind about becoming a non-drinker again! Can you blame me?! I'm fairly confident she has finally moved on to find another victim, but just because she "made me" drink too much is no reason to give up on myself... I'll not let her erroneous influence make me think I have to choose abstinence.
If I choose to be alcohol-free again it has to be on my terms born of my desire. After all, my drinking is not a problem for anyone in my life! Wow, that bitch's self-righteousness and her demeaning me as a woman really got to me. .....
OK! This Too Shall Pass!
