I
was going to send this email to my brother:
Man up and get
your hands dirty, bro. This family needs a kick in the pants. It needs Help.
It is such an effing mess. You can't see it because you all want to
continue to pretend it's all me, that I'm the only problem.
Because of
mom's psychotic behavior, which triggered my Primal Scream, we couldn't even
have a conversation. If we could have, it would have resulted in mom getting
her way this Christmas. I'll probably never have a family (you all), but I have
always wanted my girls to have you, and I still do. We'd all like to have the
six cousins reunite and we'd all like to see Anna and Bethany see their Grammy
again. It pains me to say that though, under the circumstances, a portion of
which I blogged about. Brother, I've been silenced my entire life. I won't be
silenced any longer. Period. Let the chips fall where they may. May a Miracle
of Love and Healing somehow finds its way to us.
But I sent it to
Richard first and he said:
Judy:
Personally, I think it would a waste of time and
effort. He is NOT interested in acknowledging that there is an issue
other that "Judy is crazy". Everyone else has chosen not to
deal with the issue and move on with their lives, leaving you broken and
suffering. Unfortunately each time you try to re-connect after stopping
contact with them you reinforce their bullshit opinion of you; the on-again,
off-again just fuels their perception. I honestly believe that they don't
believe the incest and emotional abuse, or if they do, they feel that you are making it more than
it was. SICK! In all my dealings with them, they have NEVER
acknowledged anything! It was as if it never happened! Reading
your book has opened my eyes to the sick twisted shit and I wish you could just
say THE HELL WITH THEM! You have made a remarkable recovery, you have
done SO much work on yourself, and NONE of them were there for you in any of
it!
My opinion? You're better off without them.
Love you
He's right. Wasn't it
my brother who recently told me he doesn't care about my illness and it's
better to pretend it doesn't exist? That after I had been there for him during
his severe cancer scare.
And it's more than them not believing me about the abuse, it's about the abuse never ending to this day.
I'm forced to
re-think trying to support my daughters' having a place in my FOOs lives. That
hurts a lot. Had I been as awake then as I am now (and I'm not fully awake yet),
I would have orphaned myself from my FOO when I first got pregnant 23 years ago.
It's so much more difficult when there is love and abuse in the same package. Had it been only abuse, it would have been easy to walk away.
