2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

IT ONLY TOOK ME NEARLY 58 YEARS TO SAY WHAT NEEDED TO BE SAID

As sick and tragic as it is, I took a deep breath and SENT this email to my mother.
I have nothing left to lose---but my unhappiness and stress, etc.
I don't think I'll bother posting the thoughtful email I had sent to her and her ridiculous, hurtful email response to me that prompted this:
NOTE: I have spent my entire adult life trying to bring communication, truth, forgiveness, and healing to my family. That's too long. No one has ever met me halfway. I'm expendable to them, you see. And now that my girls are in college, I can finally fully tell it like it is and set myself FREE.


   ENOUGH!!!
    NO MORE OF YOUR SICK AND TWISTED PATRONIZING CONDESCENDING BULLSHIT!!!
    YOU WERE, ARE, AND ALWAYS WILL BE A HORRIBLE, ABUSIVE, NEGLECTFUL MOTHER TO ME​!!!
    AND YOU ARE THE REASON MY RELATIVES TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME!!!
    YOU TAUGHT EVERYONE LIES ABOUT ME TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD!!!
    YOU AND DAD ARE THE REASON I DEVELOPED BPD AND ACTED-OUT!!!
    YOUR NARCISSISM AND BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER HAS TORMENTED ME MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER LIKED ME OR LOVED ME!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER "SEEN" ME OR "HEARD" ME!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER EVER CARED ABOUT MY FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, OR ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER VALUED ME OR RESPECTED ME AS A PERSON!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER CARED ABOUT MY CHRONIC ILLNESS!!!
    YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED YOU!!!
    YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!!
    NEVER EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN ANY OF YOU!!!
    YOU ARE TOXIC AND YOU CAUSE ME NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE AND PAIN!!!
    NEVER EVER DRAG ME BACK INTO THE FAMILY AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ALL NEED YOUR SCAPEGOAT TO FURTHER ABUSE AND BLAME FOR EVERYTHING!!!
    YOUR GRANDDAUGHTERS HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU BUT THEY HATE YOU NOW BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU TREAT THEIR MOTHER!!! DO YOU "GET" THAT?!!
    LEAVE US ALL ALONE!!! NEVER CONTACT ANY OF US AGAIN!!!
    IF ANNA AND BETHANY EVER WANT TO THEY WILL CONTACT YOU!!!

GOODBYE

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