It Was Just A Joke, A Game!

There's No Fucking Way I belong on a dating site!
Being on it has made me MISERABLE!
The only reason I joined OurTime.com was because I mistakenly believed that the man I love, my long-time long-distance relationship, was seeing other women!
And now I know he's not!
And the thought of any other man touching me but him makes me cringe! Even though we haven't seen each other for 10 Long Years.
So, since I'm not allowed to get a refund ($111) for the minimum 6-month membership, I simply changed my profile to say that I'm seeking Friendship or Pen Pal!
I don't even want THAT! I don't want ANYTHING from ANYONE! But I'm STUCK on that stupid site for 6 months! So I might as well make more of a game out of it!
The pictures are of my Very-Quick-Edit of my profile I posted previously. I need to spend some time there to word it much better.
My Whole Brain Feels Like It Is Going To Explode. I feel so discombobulated. It's from the disease I have, the "Hillenbrand's Disease" of ME/CFS/SEID. This stress I'm under has wreaked havoc on the symptoms!!
I Feel Much Better having identified the problem and fixing it; it will take some time for my brain to return to "my" normal. My original profile wasn't fully honest, but I didn't know it at the time. Who the hell is Fully Honest on a dating site profile anyway??!!
It feels wonderful "Keeping it 100". I strive to be as Authentic and Honest as I can, with myself especially.

Here's My Profile On OurTime.Com!

I Had A Wild Night!

It was one of those evenings where my Spirit felt so Free and wanted to Play all night! But my Body wanted to rest, as usual! It's quite the balancing act learning how to balance between the two! How far can I push my body before it forces me to halt! It's a Precarious situation because it's a Fact that if we pwc's (people with the chronic illness of ME/CFS/SEID) push ourselves too far, our health is in Great Peril of getting Permanently Worse. It happens All The Time to those of us with this disease; it's tragic. No one can tell me what to do either, I have to figure it out for myself.

So, I joined a Dating Site last night!

And afterwards vaped some med weed and got pretty high!
I Love that it's Good for me in every way.

And somewhere in-between getting a little high and more high, I had 1 1/2 beers with Richard, Guinness Draught, and we had a conversation that I feel strengthened our bond. He will always be my bff and co-parent! Then I drove home from his apartment a mile away and smoked some more, and looked at the millions of men hitting on me at the site. *joke* But there were a lot of them; one I quickly identified as a scammer and reported. It's not hard to identify a scammer: they only post one pic (which is not them), and their use of the English language is broken (even though the profile says Master's Degree, lol). They ply you with compliments and praise; it's hilarious.

So, I don't drink no mo, and last night was a reminder why. I simply can't drink like a normal person, especially not beer. I had a frightful night with eery symptoms. Relieved it's over.

On this dating site, designed for elderly people like me *joke*. It's for folks in their 50s and 60s. I feel Entirely Confident and Comfortable in being myself. I'm going to be upfront about my disease because it's an important part of who I am (it basically calls the shots for my life). If someone is interested in me, they will be interested in me exactly as I am. I also am upfront about being separated and dependent on my dh for financial support -- even though there's no need to put All of that sort of thing in my profile; it's for revealing shortly into getting to know someone.

I'm only interested in friendship and intimacy with someone, so I don't foresee my life situation getting in the way. Do you?

It's been more years than I care to say right now how long it's been since I've been physical with someone. I've been in a long-distance bff relationship for the past 12 years (since I was separated) that has been wonderfully chemistry-filled though!

 

I Am OK With Being Sick

I am in this different dimensional perspective. No more focusing on becoming healed. I'm giving up the daily mantras, "I Am healed," "I Am healthy." Something happened, something good, and I am now surrendered to, and even grateful for being sick.

What happened?, you ask? I'll call it the next level of my Ascension; that's what happened. I know because I have more peace and more joy and more calmness and more freedom from thought; and because I feel more like my Real Self. The details of how this happened is a very private matter.

There is Purpose in my being sick.

It's Truth that I have already had some major healing to my health. I absolutely am better than I was even a year ago; even six months ago. Structured Water has brought much healing to my body! It's a Miracle that happens to everyone who uses it (in many different ways; we are all different). It will probably continue to heal more of my health over the years! I will welcome that, but I am not looking for that anymore. And there is such a long way to go for my health to be fully restored; for my being able to live a normal life; for my being able to spend most of my time outside this bed.

I feel nothing but freedom in being surrendered to this devastating, debilitating chronic illness. I feel totally relaxed. I can just let go and breathe. There is no pressure on me anymore from me. No pressure to go, see, do. No pressure to perform. No pressure to be productive. No pressure to work on healing my health. No pressure in wanting relief from the symptoms. I Just Get To Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

OHMYGODIHAVETOGOSAYTHANKYOUTOSOMEONE!.....

Oh My Gosh! I Love Cannabis So Much!

As I posted in my previous post, at first I thought there might be a problem -- which would have been fine if so. You know, I really AM a Happy Sobrietist, and have been for 3 years! And occasional use of stuff is perfect for me. And I will always prefer total soberness because I am So High On Life now!!! For me, being a Sobrietist -- which is a term each person must define for themselves -- means sober living with an occasional twist!

Last night I tried the Juicy G for the first time. I needed to know what it was like. That is the perfect name for it for me, btw! Private joke. I watched Real Time with Bill Maher! And Broad City! Perfect accompaniment!  At first I was a bit apprehensive about it being a sativa -- but the THC was Not too much for me. Actually, I'm not a conoseiur of weed so I really couldn't discern much difference between it and the Purple Kush. They both made me both relaxed and euphoric --- now that I remember, the Juicy G made me a bit more awake than the indica hybrid Purple Kush. Both helped me to sleep better than I normally do now (my insomnia cured from Structured Water).

I had no heart palpitations, and I got my Atmos Boss Vape Pen to work great -- cool technology! No hangover this morning from the pot. I feel happier than my normal, to be honest. I Feel Amazing! My Whole Life Is Amazing!!! So many aspects of my life ROCK!!!

My little family is 100% behind me with the marijuana. And now I want to have a family pow wow to talk about what they feel is a comfortable, appropriate, and healthy amount for me to be partaking of it; that is, how often. I'll always only use a small pinch at a time.

It's totally medicinal. It's so totally like a million times better than alcohol! Which has its place but not much medicinal help! Almost No healing properties at all! I'm a much more open and happy person, and I'm much more ME on grass than I ever was on booze. I could go on and on about this, but I won't.

How many names have I used for cannabis now!? There are so many names for it!!

OHHHH, forgot the most important thing!!! The heart palpitations were NOT caused by the Purple Kush. I saw my thyroid doctor and they are caused by my NatureThroid dosage needing to be lowered. In other words, my hypothyroid is getting better! My Hashimotos numbers are lower too! And even my doctor, Dr. Dalhoumi, agrees that it is because of Structured Water!!! SW HEALS! Marijuana Does Too!

Here's The Med Weed That Was Delivered To Me Yesterday -- Not A Huge Fan

    

                             

I tried the Indica, which is the Purple Kush. I actually have a hangover from it this morning. I only smoked a pinch, definitely not a full bowl. It made me cough a lot, but that could be because I had to use my pipe; my vape pen wouldn't work and I'm going to exchange it. I have allergies and irritated lungs, so I coughed a lot. I seemed to have heart palpitations too. I'm going to have to inquire about this. 


On the plus side it was very relaxing while at the same time euphoric. I enjoyed myself for the most part.

I can see that cannabis is going to be only an occasional hobby for me -- but that's nothing new. In other words, this stash is going to last me for two or three years.

If I want the medicinal effects I might benefit from CBD drops... there's much to research about that.

Maybe edibles? I'm not sure I want the extended high.

I think, thus far, I'm disappointed in the whole med weed thing.

It's a good thing I prefer being substance-free!

This cool chart shows the healing effects of cannabis components! ​https://weedmaps.com/medical-marijuana-testing

Do You Ever Write While Watching TV? Well, try to, anyway?!

   I'm great at coming up with titles, but horrible at following-through and writing something to go with it! You know, like a story!

   I come up with titles for articles and stories ALL THE TIME! It's so much fun for me!

   Is there a way to get paid for that?? Ha.

   .....

   On the other hand, I wrote plenty after coming up with the working title of my book. And, I celebrate myself for that! And maybe it's not my fault that I can't write anything else until my memoir is done. And probably it's not my fault, or anybody elses, that I haven't been able(?) to work on my book for several months *sigh*.

   I'm going to work this out!

    And write now, I mean right now, I am indeed writing this while watching TV. I'm watching a recording of the series, Forever. It's not a bad show, check it out! What do I realllly want to be doing right now, she asked herself. Writing my book, she answered.

    Uh Oh.