2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Friday, July 31, 2015

From Writer and Author, Judy Reeves (happy full blue moon!)

I'm a self-confessed lunatic — moonstruck every month by the silvery light and irresistible pull of the full moon. Over the years, I've presented Blue Moon, Full Moon, Howl at the Moon, and Write with the Moon writing workshops.

   Though I'm not having a special workshop for it, I will be celebrating this Friday, July 31, during the first Blue Moon since August 2012. There won't be another until 2018.


   Scientists and astronomers may have dates and tables and calculations for the Blue Moon, (it occurs when a calendar months contains two full moons), but we lunatics know this rare appearance holds special mystery and magic. Every full moon is a time of heightened creativity, of dream work and prophecy and though each full moon calls to us, the Blue Moon holds extraordinary allure.


   So take to your notebooks and write in your wild voice, and when the time is right and the moon is high, go outside and raise your voice in a mighty howl.


   Your prompt: Under the full moon. Write for 17 minutes.


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ha!

The old girls got squished today in a 3D mammogram

But it was nothing

It felt no different than when I sleep on my stomach!



Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Directly From The Divine Today Just For Me ;)

Quote from Matt Kahn on Facebook:

While being grounded is an important component throughout your spiritual journey, it can easily sound like “mystical mumbo-jumbo”, if understood without a practical way of applying it to life. In its most simple terms, being grounded is the ability to find balance. The most direct way to discover the harmony of true balance, especially for the energetically-sensitive soul, is to embrace a practice of sobriety. If awakening is sobering up from a life-long intoxication of ego, it makes sense to adopt a life of sobriety, as a way of creating a proper foundation for realization to blossom. 

While there are many who uses intoxicants to numb themselves from the overwhelming nature of feelings, or even as ways of creating momentary state changes of expanded consciousness, the true joy of abiding freedom cannot dawn until you have surrendered to the fate of sobriety, as a way of meeting life as openly and sincerely as it always meets you. 

It is common for energetically-sensitive souls to seek refuge from the amount of cellular memory being processed. Whether arising as pain from the collective, or the transmutation of ancestral lineages, the constant barrage of emotional debris can be so exhausting, having a bit of space from life can be an understandable desire. However, when time is spent trying so hard to be in energetic alignment, only to overlook the addictive patterns playing out in private, the true purpose of a spiritual journey is missed, in favor of leading you deeper into the pitfalls of personal denial. 

If you are truly dedicated to expanding your consciousness and serving the evolution of humanity, then learning how to ground your energy field through the practice of sobriety is an essential way to demonstrate your highest wisdom and earn your own self-respect. This does not mean you should monitor yourself in an abusive way, but simply take a closer look at the activities or intoxicants that you reach for on a regular basis. This includes anything used as a way of escaping the reality of your experience.
Even though you may not like the situations at hand, or would rather accept each feeling under more pleasant circumstances, the only way to accept your experiences is to confess exactly how you feel. It may not be pretty or the most eloquent of phrases, but it doesn’t have to be. It only needs to be the most honest thing you’ve ever said to yourself. 

Maybe your starting point is admitting: “I accept that I hate how I feel so much that I constantly look for ways to numb my pain and look away.” Perhaps it even reveals how the one who always searches for a way out, or the one who wants to bargain with the universe, is only here to be loved as never before. In order for each “I love you” to have the most profound effect, it must be offered to a sobering heart. 

Even if you read these words in an altered state, it can become an opportunity to realize, no matter how often you attempt to dilute your experience or sedate your senses, the intensity you feel is a message from your innocence begging you to become the one who loves it as never before. In order to be a wise, loving, and attentive guardian to your innocent heart, you deserve to recognize each emotional upheaval as a chance to build a more trustworthy relationship with your inner child. How can you recognize each emotion as a chance to love yourself, if you spend your time running away from your feelings or trying to find ways to numb your pain? 

Whether its consuming drugs or alcohol on a daily basis, abusing medication, overeating, getting lost in the wormhole of social media or online gaming for hours on end, or even implementing a healing modality in a compulsive manner, the objective is to pinpoint the choices you reach for as a deliberate way of checking out. 

Especially for energetically-sensitive souls, one of the most courageous forms of surrender is a willingness to be sober throughout Earth’s ascension. It remains an obvious way to embody how deeply you trust in life’s divine plan, by allowing the hands of fate to mold you into the highest potential you were always destined to be. While the growing pains of spiritual evolution can be daunting, frustrating, and overwhelming, it is your ability to rely on love, as your sole response to stress or turmoil that inspires the evolution of your being.

Just as a light bulb cannot become illuminated until it is plugged into a socket, your energy field cannot come alive in consciousness, until every desire to numb yourself become invitations to embrace the one who hurts. I share these words as a way of empathizing with the innocence within you that may be in constant search for a way out. May these words shine a gentle light of awareness into the shadows of life to reveal the places your innocence hides, while waiting for a sign that it is safe to come out and play. 

With every step forward, the universe guides you into infinite realms of health, alignment, balance, harmony and liberation, but only once you have become energetically grounded. With love as your guide, each desire or impulse reveals a child within your heart, who desperately craves your loving approval through a mirage of insatiable hunger. May you come to see how it only longs for numbness, since it has yet to realize, how worthy of love it has always been. 

Once your innocence learns of it’s true worth and value, which occurs at the rate in which you embrace your own heart, any addictive pattern dissolves in the presence of your elevated vibration and grounded energy field. As this occurs, you invite your heart to open, which confirms to the universe that you are ready know yourself beyond the boundary of any concept or conclusion. www.truedivinenature.com

Monday, July 6, 2015

Re-Embracing Life As A Sobrietist -- May It Last And Last

FOREVER would be good! Haven't tried that one before! I've been doing the off-and-on dance with drinking for four decades.

This morning I woke up with the loving intention and with the want and need to quit drinking. The reason is because it's Simply Not Worth The Risk to possibly hurting myself, my family, or someone else.

In 2 1/2 years of mostly moderate drinking, after being completely abstinent from all substances the full year of 2012 when I wrote my memoir, it's starting to scare me; drinking; my physiology/alcohol allergy or whatever is scaring me. I haven't been able to stick to my drinking plan very well this year.

For anyone looking for a great new sobriety organization, check out Soberistas. Also, I recommend  HAMS  for support with either harm reduction, abstinence, or moderation. I especially recommend their new forum.


 

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Short And To The Point

My incessant need to ramble? LOL

Writing practice, not rambling!

Happy 4th of July -- I'm not feeling very patriotic.
As much as I cherish President Obama and treasure his many great accomplishments -- the evil republicans are simply wreaking too much harm and bad energy; bad, scary, sick energy.

We need Bernie Sanders in the white house next. So badly. He's the only one I trust.

On another note, I'm lucky and grateful for my little family (there are four of us), and for non-tradtional lasagna dinner we're having tonight! And traditional cherry pie! And I'm sure we'll play a game or watch a movie! And, hopefully, Richard and I can convince the girls to climb up on the roof with us again to watch the fireworks, weather permitting!

 
 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

It Was A Mistake To Have Posted That


  I could have gone forever without posting this!:

   You Wouldn't Like Me If You Knew I Am In Love With A Married Man...


   The only reason I posted such a thing, and even shared it in a private Facebook writer's group, was because of my uber sensitivity over being brutally bullied by a woman friend on Facebook that I trusted with my truth. I basically got a little drunk and a little stoned and let that out; what I wrote above.

  Now I can clearly see that it was an unloving thing to do to myself; the way I worded the title and the post itself. I'm leaving it on my blog though because I'm not ashamed of my mistake. I feel bad that I was clearly hating on myself so much and inviting others to hate on me too. I guess that's what being bullied does to a psyche though; it feeds any self-hatred you already have.

  The married man is my true friend. We have been platonic for a decade. His wife knows we're friends. His marriage is stronger and happier because of our two-year affair. We were both separated at the time; me more-so than he; for him it was more like they were living separate lives. I have no secrets from my loving family.

  I still have no women friends I can tell my truth to. The few times I have tried over the decade to a few women---I have been met with harsh judgments and the loss of their friendships. It sucks. I feel like I have no true friends presently because if they knew about him they wouldn't be my friends. He's such a big part of me, he's family to me, I could never give him up. 


.....I do love to test people on their judgmentalness though. Posting such things does just that.