Oh Why o Why did I set myself up for this again??!! Please Tell Me, someone! (rhetorical)
Why didn't I stay the happier orphan that I was?? I was achieving real peace and contentment as a FOO-less woman. I was free from being abused and neglected by my family of origin. I was able to not feel as much how they withhold their love from me. Like they have for as long as I can remember. It was always a rotation, a steady rotation of them showing me their love then withholding their love. The emphasis was on the withholding which always happened more than the showing.
I look at my college daughters and I learn what it's like to have a steady, uninterrupted flow of love; love was never withheld for them or from them. That's how I know that kind of love exists for me. My FOO doesn't withhold love from one another, but for some reason they can't see that they do that to me.
I'm smart, and I know nothing is going to change in this lifetime... yet at the same time I'm dumb because I did actually expect things to feel differently this time on account of my successfully resolving our soul contracts. Clearly, I am uneducated about what that means and how it would look and feel.
Or, maybe I'm mistaken about them being resolved??
