I love it when people talk openly about their sexuality.
I happen to be a very sexual person --- who hasn't had sex in 10 years (with anybody but herself).
It's truly ironic too. For someone who loves sex as much as I do! And who's illness never diminished my libido, like it does to many. Heck, just being 58 can diminish a libido -- no so for moi.
So, I went from incest survivor, to being pretty promiscuous in college the early 80s (Sex & Drugs & Rock N Roll, yo !!), and up until I met my husband, Richard when I was 30 --- which was the mid 80s.
Then I became monogamous, because that's my true nature; to be in love and monogamous. But it wasn't a good sexual connection; we're not sexually compatible; but we were meant to make two perfect daughters together!! :D
Then, about 15 years ago Richard and I became separated-but-living together.
Several years later I met my high school crush online at classmates.com in 2003 when that website was new. And that quickly became a long-distance love affair, as he and his wife were living separate lives. And the affair lasted for two years. And we've been good friends ever since. (Not smoothly, it took years of patience and work.)
He and his wife are happy in their marriage, but I remain happily separated in mine. And Richard moved into his own apartment over seven years ago.
But something happened to me when I met this man, who I believe to be my twin soul or the next closest thing to him. And the thought of being with another man turns my stomach. Or...
No New Cocks! As I'm fond of saying.
And that's all there is to it! Pretty tame story, yes?
He and I haven't seen each other for a decade, and may never see each other again. But we truly have developed a very loving, healthy platonic friendship.
All I can say is, it's a good thing I like to masturbate once or twice a week or I'd never get any sexual release at all!
For the past 10 years I've been ADJUSTING to things.
Why I'm wanting to tell this story now, I have no idea; but I trust myself, and I trust that wanting to tell and telling is the right thing to do.
I'm truly learning the Art Of Self Love, and not needing a man, and becoming complete within myself, and finding happiness just the way things are.
I've done a hell of a lot of healing --- in many ways.
I so totally still get lonely sometimes. My heart's desire is to live happily ever after with the man of my dreams. I've had that fantasy since I was 11. Life Had Other Plans.
I can't seem to give up hoping and waiting. ("Smoke" refers to weed.)
An Important BTW: I Never Ever Wanted Or Intended To Break Up His Marriage. From the get-go, being friends was basically the only thing that mattered. Truly. Well, that's how Twin Souls roll, you know; twin soulship doesn't inspire or provoke divorce; when twins meet when they are married to other people. I've only ever supported his marriage, he's only ever supported mine. AMEN :D
