How
are you? How’s the baby?
For
very important, healing reasons that I don’t intend on burdening you with, or
expect you to understand, I’ve chosen to orphan myself for good, hon, from my
family of origin. That doesn’t include you, your husband or kids, or my other
nieces, or my nephew. I needed to allow enough time to pass before I felt it
was appropriate to contact you again. One reason is that I need to ask you not
to share my emails with your mother or anyone else I didn’t already mention on
my “OK” list. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk about me to those I am
estranged from also---and that is a huge request that puts you in an awkward
position, which is another reason it took me so long to contact you, sweetie.
And I say and think ALL of this only with Love. I know what I’m doing and I
trust myself, and God, who is guiding me. One day it will all make sense, I
promise. It is making quite a bit of sense to my daughters, who are well, and
who support me, and feel safe about the whole thing; as sad and tragic as the
situation is. So, I’ll leave it to your own heart and discretion what you feel
compelled to say, if anything, about me to your mom, etc. I truly don’t want
them in my life though, and definitely wouldn’t be OK with them reading my
emails to you---not even the generic ones. I don’t want them to know what’s
going on with me, and I don’t want to know what’s going on with them. They have
their connections with my daughters, and that is a Blessed thing.
I
absolutely need this separation from my family of origin in order to heal and
to find my happiness. They hardly need me
to survive and to be happy! I’m the one suffering the greatest loss here! But,
I am finding true inner peace and self love in this choice.
Know
deeply that I LOVE my entire family very deeply. It’s definitely not about a
lack of Love! Oh contraire! I want only healing and truth and more love between
us. But it will have to be on a spiritual level only, I fear.
But
I have a story to tell, and tell it I must. I’m writing a book. The book I’m
writing is saving my life, dear niece. It will bring full understanding to my
daughters when I feel they are old enough to read it, and it will allow them to
make sense out of this mess! If it is worthy of publishing (meaning: by
publishing it no one gets adversely hurt), then it will help other people like me
find their voices. I have already been told by people that I helped them just
by telling them about the book I’m writing. Wow.
That’s
all I care to tell you about my book at this time. No worries, OK?
Sooo,
I know you’re thinking about me, I can feel it! J I’ve always been
thinking about you and your little family! I have felt bad for disconnecting
from you. Something tells me you understand though. You have a gift for
compassion, patience, perceptiveness, and understanding.
You
are allowed to ask me questions about the estrangement if you have any, and
I’ll do my best to answer honestly.
Oh,
I’m pretty sure my mom and sister know about my book because they were
sneak-reading my blog when, until recently, I had a blog.
OK,
so that’s my belated hello for now! I’d love to hear from you. I continue my
focus on healing my health and appear to be making more strides. Yes!
Always
here for you if you need anything at all,
