They ARE killing me, my so-called family of origin (FOO), and it's got to stop, NOW!
I've been drinking myself sick most nights lately and it's because of them. And it's got to stop. But they've been slowly killing me my entire life, and it's probably why I have ME/CFS.
They have proven they are not worth it. I used to love them, but now I see clearly that they are horrible people who have abused and neglected me my entire life, and won't take responsibility for anything ever. I have fought my whole life for truth, healing, and forgiveness with them. I have begged them my entire life to listen to me, to talk to me. They refuse, and tell each other and the world I am crazy.
I wrote my heart-wrenching memoir with love; telling my tragic story; seeking understanding in my mind; praying that somehow it would open the door of communication and bring us back together. My childhood was love and abuse in the same package, which as phenomenal books like, "The Courage To Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis explains is even more crazy-making than just abuse.
My husband read my book, an editor/therapist read my book, my psychologist read my book. They all said the same thing, that it was beautiful, not unkind, a tragic story, but full of love for my family.
I FINALLY shared my book with my FOO. Guess what I got back?? Only threats of being sued, and calling it full of HATE and how ASHAMED they are of me. My brother didn't even read it yet threatened to sue me, my sister sent the hate and shame and said she would not allow our mother to read it.
They all have always claimed that I was never abused. They have told me my whole life they love me, yet they continue to lie, deny, and abuse.
To me, that they have ZERO compassion for that innocent little child is worse than hate, it, strikes me as satanic.
My book is filled with my mandalas as chapter headers. I wanted them to infuse my book with healing. I drew this one for my mom once upon a time. Original size is 6 inches diameter.
