I emailed her:
Mom ~
I love you and I miss you. You showed me a lot of love and caring all
through my life. You also dished out a lot of abuse. It is what it is.
When you made that intimidating and manipulative phone call to Richard,
it really showed your true colors. Minimizing and denying the abuse of
me by dad was a white trailer trash move. Denying any emotional abuse by
you was too.
I really don't want you to shuffle off this mortal coil without
acknowledging the truth and have you have to come back to live it all
over again. You Deserve Better Than That!
Tough Loving You, I Guess, Your Daughter, Judy
She responded. I knew it was going to hurt so I waited a day to read it:
I have just read this email and will not in future discuss it
again. I don’t know who heard what or who said or who interrupted what
from my phone call, but I am telling you that I never made that kind of
a call. It’s too ridicules to even contemplate.or acknowledge, so I
don’t!
so I don’t!
My response:
Of course, "mother." It's always only about you. My feelings and my experiences at your hands never ever matter; never have and never will.
We're Done For Good. I'm not your daughter.
_______________
People, you Need To Understand Something: When your entire family, whom you love with all your heart and soul tell you all your life you are crazy, you have no choice but to listen. You have no choice but to try and try again, for Decades, to make things right; to bring healing; to bring truth; to keep them in your life.
Please think about that for a moment.
Try to imagine having to orphan yourself forever from your flesh and blood whom you deeply love and who showed you a lot of love too.
They call me crazy and tell the world as such because I was incested by my minister father, and emotionally abused and neglected by my mother. Growing up, I acted-out by screaming and slamming doors and shutting myself in my room. Starting in my mid 20s I spoke up; broke the silence; with the intention of bringing truth and healing.
I have been like President Obama has been with the Republicans my whole life: Giving them chance after chance after chance to meet me halfway and work things out!!!
I get back only the same thing he gets back: Rejection. Abandonment. Attacks.
It took THIS last event-----my mother revealing her true colors to Richard-----for me to FINALLY
FIND MY LIBERATION AND PERMANENT FREEDOM; to finally Understand who they really are and what they really think of me; behind all their sweet talk to me; all their "I love you!"s
_________________________
In that phone call to Richard, my mother said/implied things like:
Only one little thing happened to Judy by her father, and it was nothing, and they worked that out before he died.
And, Judy is going over the edge and is psychotic.
And that she never abused me in any way.
To Be Continued...
NOT with them. I'm an orphan.
But I will Stand Strong!
I will Use My Voice!
I will Heal My Life!
I will Help Others Find Their Voices And Freedom!
And I Will Finish And Publish My MEMOIR!
