2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Friday, October 23, 2015

Unlucky In Love--Part 1

I have the best relationship ever with my separated husband (that sounds funny, huh! he's not separated; he's not a separated person! WE are separated!), and we have long since found the perfect expression for our very real love as platonic best friends, co-parents, and life-partners. Our bond and relationship keeps deepening over the years. It lacks true emotional intimacy and sex; but those things can't be found between the two of us. I think I tried to force our marriage, and so did he, when we were a married couple.

I'm very lucky and blessed to have him and our two college girls. :D
I never take them for granted!

I've been openly in love with a man whom I had an affair with that started when Richard and I were separated-but-living together (he eventually moved out when our youngest turned 13) in 2003 and ended in 2005, and we only met-up four times; but we've somehow managed to stay long-distance friends. He calls me regularly, but we haven't seen each other in over 10 years, and probably won't again. His wife and he were living separate lives, but they are closer now, although still pretty much doing their own thing; yet our affair, when she found out about it way back then, ended up bringing them closer.

I was truly happy about that. All I've ever wanted is for him to be happy, and I never wanted to break-up his marriage. I have thought we were twin souls, and from what I've read, twin souls could never even want to let alone aspire to break-up the other's marriage, and that's been naturally true for us; but it's hard when your twin soul is married, ya know?!

He is the first man I've ever known whom I felt like I could have true emotional intimacy with. When I met him (after not seeing each other since high school 30 years prior), I sensed immediately that we were both emotional intimacy virgins. He and I are also perfectly and completely sexually compatible, and neither one of us had ever had that before either.

So... see how Powerful the connection and bond?!

OhMyGod and he knows how to and loves to banter!!! What a plus!!!

I haven't even wanted to be with another person since him, and I haven't.
Even to me that is beyond weird.
Well, you know what they say, when you find the Perfect Cock!... haha

He ruined me for other men! Or is that he ruined other men for me? I never can remember the correct expression!

So, we've been having this mostly lovely, healthy platonic friendship for a decade. But it's been very difficult for me, given my strong feelings for him.

Anyway, I'm now wondering if my feelings are starting to change??
I hate long blog posts so I'm going to stop here.

To Be Continued

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