but at least I have the truth now
And I will keep remembering how my psychologist made me feel:
Strong, Sane, Confident, Smart, Self Respect, Self Love, OKAY, Survivor, Liberated, Free...
Regardless of my FOO+ (family of origin and relatives) making me feel Crazy and basically telling me as such my whole life, and even more so this year.
Emily, my psychologist, emailed me, "You certainly are a misfit in your FOO - and I mean that as a compliment!!!"
Learning that my cousin, Cheryll, whom I grew up with-----we were so close and had so much fun together and did so many creative things-----DOESN'T BELIEVE ME about the abuse.....
I'm STILL in shock and that was five days ago.
It's unfathomable
It's unbearable
It's senseless
It's non-understandable
It's insane!
Did ANY of my FOO+ EVER love me??!
I really doubt it.
Emily says things about my mother like, "Won't That Woman Take Responsibility For ANYTHING??" The answer is No.
And she points out how SNEAKY and often SUBTLE my mother's abuse of me is.
My mother and my deceased father are the LIARS that manipulated and turned my entire FOO+ against me!
And THATs the Cold Hard Truth
But to me, it doesn't excuse that not one of them believes me anyway.
OMG, I've WASTED MY ENTIRE LIFE ON PEOPLE UNWORTHY OF MY LOVE.
I'VE WASTED MY ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO BRING HEALING AND REUNION WITH THOSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T REALLY LOVE ME. BY DOING THIS I'VE MADE MYSELF CRAZIER THAN THEY MADE ME.
BUT HERE'S THE THING: I'M NOT CRAZY, I'M THE ONLY SANE ONE!
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THE TRUTH AND TELLS IT.
They are INCAPABLE OF CHANGING so I am truly DONE with ALL of them FOREVER.
I will slowly rebuild my life without them and without any hope of them.
But I will NEVER Recover. You can't recover from something like this.
And I'm TIRED of and DONE making excuses for them too, as I have my whole life. There IS No Excuse For How Badly They Treat Me.
