I have finally recognized that it was a SET BACK and a MISTAKE to drunk-dial Fay (ex-mother) on Monday. Until yesterday morning in a healing conversation with my wonderful Richard---who supports me and uplifts me to the nth degree---I was thinking calling her helped me get more answers/clarity. It did no such thing. It was nothing more than me once again throwing my pearls before swine (to paraphrase the bible). I had already gotten the last answer that I needed, when no birthday card arrived for Anna, that they were finally going to stop contacting us. I didn't need to call to confirm this. I certainly didn't need to shower that witch with more kindness like I did. Cuz today, I am still so deep in grief, despair, PTSD, and chest pain over the unfathomability of who they are and how they all treat me and what it all means. AND THIS IS WHERE IT HAS TO END. THIS IS WHERE I WRITE THEM OFF FOR GOOD. THIS IS WHERE ALL THE HOPE I'VE BEEN HOLDING FOR HEALING AND REUNION WITH THEM GETS DEAD AND BURIED. Richard is going to take my address book and write down all their phone numbers to keep in his possession then black them out in my address book so I can't foolishly ever call them again. I WILL HAVE NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH THEM EVER, AND THAT MEANS I WILL CERTAINLY NOT SEND HER MY PRECIOUS BOOK (even though she deserves to be the recipient of my hurt and anger, and she ought to be told exactly what she did/does to me, and it's supposed to help her grow). How FOOLISH it was of me to trust my ex-siblings and send it to them last year.
