2016 Update: I care more about this blog than I do that "they" can read it, otherwise I'd stop writing it and create a new one. As long as they finally leave me and my little family alone, there should be no problem, even though I requested that they don't read it. Since they have no interest in my writing, I'm probably safe. I hope so hard they will finally respect our wishes of no contact. I care so much about telling the truth and bringing healing. I fought my entire life to bring communication, truth, and healing to my FOO. There's nothing left to fight for so I have given up, at age 59. I can now only bring healing to myself and other survivors through my words. I finally went back to work on my heart-wrenching memoir that I wrote in 2012 that I originally wrote for them as my last Hope of getting my beloved family of origin and relatives back. But, There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Email To My Cousin (FOO+ = family of origin and relatives)

It's finally revealed to me that mom, and therefore my entire FOO+ thinks I made the whole thing up; thinks I made up the abuse; all of it. (She thinks one tiny incident happened; something basically insignificant.)

  Well, it's more important now than ever before that she reads the book I poured my heart and soul and everything else into. Again, she had said that she wants to read it. Before she shuffles off this mortal coil she needs to get her facts straight so she doesn't have to come back and do it all again.

  She recently made a very intimidating and manipulative call to Richard, and he said it was like she was trying to validate for herself the belief in the lies she has been telling herself my whole life.

  Richard certainly believes me; every word. Not only did reading my book do that for him, he witnessed much abuse against me himself over the decades.

  Thank God for him and my girls. I really would be crazy or dead if I didn't have them/if they didn't believe me.

  I've been drinking way too much this year (abstaining for a few days presently), which only serves to confirm in the minds of my FOO that I really am crazy (when I drunk-dial them in my love-bug self; still trying desperately to bring healing and reunion, and also occasionally being confrontational), so is not helping my case any. But! My Whole Life As I Know It Is About To End. Not only am I truly losing my FOO+ (including you again, no doubt) for life, but my twin soul and I appear to be parting ways for good also, and that our long-distance platonic friendship is coming to the end of its rainbow (you know we had that affair over a decade ago). It won't be more than I can bear (please, God, don't let it be more than I can bear!). Destiny dictates that I'm ready for it. And I also believe I'm here for a very important spiritual journey and reason.

   Oh, so, no one ever has to fear that I will ever again go off the deep end with my drinking like I have before in my life. I can assure you that won't happen. It's just a knowing I have. I can feel that shift in me.
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